Ninja Shizatch: The Movie

That’s right. Hollywood will be producing a Ninja Shizatch live-action motion picture, complete with an all-star cast and LucasArts special effects. The film’s projected budget is the national net worth of the country of Turkmenistan. Ninja Shizatch: The Movie is scheduled for release in theatres once the Google Empire has finished consolidating its intergalactic dominion.

Now, here’s the current lineup of actors I had in mind for the various parts:

Shadow

For Shadow, I needed to find a hulking, intimidating, badass actor that could put on a face that constantly looks angry. Someone who could throw around a gruff voice, and throw around a 150 lb ninja. A friend of mine suggested The Rock – Dwayne Johnson. And I think it’s the perfect choice

Jade

For Jade, I needed to find an actress that could look fierce and sexy, but still look like a “good girl.” I think Scarlett Johansson manages to pull it off.

Bronze

For Bronze, I needed the anti-Shadow – a subtle, humble muscular badass. Vin Diesel.

Sapphire

For Jade’s older sister, I needed a “bad girl,” someone who can look seductive and dangerous, someone who won’t take shit from anyone. Elisha Cuthbert.

Silver

For Silver, I was looking for someone who can act out a really over-the-top dramatic narrator voice, pull exaggerated facial expressions, emote humorous body language, and just generally be slapstick funny. Jim Carrey is the man (though he’s gonna need to get ripped).

What do you think of my choices? I’m still casting, so nothing is final – suggestions are more than welcome. If you can, include a picture with your suggestion.

Half-Naked Is Also Half Clothed

“why are all the girls in ur comic half naked? lolol”

A question a friend asked me over MSN.

A fair question.

And although the issue has not yet come up, I’m sure that at some point down the line, I’m going to have someone (well, most likely a woman) bring up the whole “unrealistic portrayal of women in comics” issue. And possibly express disgust in my comic. And possibly threaten to cut my balls off.

Well anyway, Ninja Shizatch is a satire. It’s a satire of gaming, a satire of pop culture’s view of martial arts, a satire of comics, a satire of characterization, a satire of classic heroes, a satire of storytelling… hell, it satirizes a whole array of subjects. Sometimes, the satire is very obvious. Other times, it’s subtle – sometimes subtle to the point of going unnoticed.

So how does this tie into my semi-nude dames?

I believe I covered this in the 4^th page of the comic, as well as the ensuing commentary:

“Hey, if it looks cool, why not? Screw realism - to look as badass as possible, men have to have the coolest accessories, and women have to have the least amount of material covering them as possible.”

Now, to be fair, women in most mainstream comics generally have much more cloth covering them than those in my comic. But look at this:

Catwoman here is covered from neck to toe in cloth – but if the colorist would have made that purple outfit skin-colored, she would be nude. Clothed or not, she is essentially naked. Would keeping only a bra and panties on this pic really make a big difference? I don’t think so.

But that’s the thing – artists will draw the female body as shapely as possible, with unrealistic, form-fitting outfits – but then they have scruples when it comes to how much skin is being exposed.

Well, I’m just taking this traditional concept of the sexy comic book chick and satirizing it by pushing it to the extreme with outfits that can have no purpose other than showing off as much skin as possible without going into an 18+ rating.

Your thoughts? Did you “get” why my females are so scantily clad? Does it offend you? Does it amuse you? What makes Jade and Sapphire sexy?