Ninja Shizatch: The Movie

That’s right. Hollywood will be producing a Ninja Shizatch live-action motion picture, complete with an all-star cast and LucasArts special effects. The film’s projected budget is the national net worth of the country of Turkmenistan. Ninja Shizatch: The Movie is scheduled for release in theatres once the Google Empire has finished consolidating its intergalactic dominion.

Now, here’s the current lineup of actors I had in mind for the various parts:

Shadow

For Shadow, I needed to find a hulking, intimidating, badass actor that could put on a face that constantly looks angry. Someone who could throw around a gruff voice, and throw around a 150 lb ninja. A friend of mine suggested The Rock – Dwayne Johnson. And I think it’s the perfect choice

Jade

For Jade, I needed to find an actress that could look fierce and sexy, but still look like a “good girl.” I think Scarlett Johansson manages to pull it off.

Bronze

For Bronze, I needed the anti-Shadow – a subtle, humble muscular badass. Vin Diesel.

Sapphire

For Jade’s older sister, I needed a “bad girl,” someone who can look seductive and dangerous, someone who won’t take shit from anyone. Elisha Cuthbert.

Silver

For Silver, I was looking for someone who can act out a really over-the-top dramatic narrator voice, pull exaggerated facial expressions, emote humorous body language, and just generally be slapstick funny. Jim Carrey is the man (though he’s gonna need to get ripped).

What do you think of my choices? I’m still casting, so nothing is final – suggestions are more than welcome. If you can, include a picture with your suggestion.